Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Well, you asked.

Noodle was told yesterday afternoon that if he had a sleep he could go to Billy Lids (indoor playground) in the afternoon. He happily trots off to be and then emerges some ten minutes later theatrically rubbing his eyes and yawning.
N: Can we go to Billy Lids now?
D: I said we could go after you had a sleep
N: I had a sleep
D: A proper sleep, not just ten minutes
N: I did have a proper sleep, I was asleep for hours and hours.
D: You were in there for ten minutes, that is not a proper sleep. What kind of idiot do I look like?
Noodle looks perplexed
N: What kind of idiots are there?

Monday, December 08, 2008

What’s with the Whiney voice?

And God, how do you stop it?
Age had one of ‘those days’ on Friday. Everything was answered with a contradiction, a whine or nagging.
By the time Mummy went to the grog shop for a much needed bottle of mother’s little helper I actually had to seriously ask myself if clubbing a four year old with a 2004 NZ Sauv Blanc would be so very wrong.
I can take pooh and wee and watching the same bloody episode of Ben 10 eleventy billion times. I don’t really mind being dragged to the park when I’d much rather be sitting on my fat ass watching Oprah. It doesn’t bother me that we read the same book 8 times in a row or soothing the ear ringing screams of agony that accompany a stubbed toe.
But the whiney voice, the oh-my-God-how-do-I-stop-from-killing-you whiney voice.
Fingers down a blackboard would be music to my ears compared to the whiney voice.
I don’t know what it is. Possibly the pitch of voice that can penetrate gums and vibrate teeth inside the jaw. Maybe the unreasonable nature of the request (but I must have chocolate for breakfast) or else it’s the sheer repartition. That you know in your heart it does not matter how you construct the answer the whine will just go on and on and on and on until you give in, your brain pops or you club the child. Possibly all three simultaneously.
I figure the whiney voice is somehow hard wired into the neo-cortex, thereby making it impossible to ignore.
Maybe cave children only used the whiney voice to inform mummy that there was indeed a slathering sabre tooth tiger at the cave door. Or the location of a rare yet nutritionally rich tree fungus.
I have no idea why it works, but please God, does anyone know how to make it stop?

Friday, November 28, 2008

dolls that don't make girls look like bimbos or whores

I can't remember how I found out about either of these, except that I stumbled across them on the net a while ago without actually searching - although I'd long wanted to know if dollies like this even existed. been meaning to post about them here, and now it's not long before Xmas, I guess a bit of potential-pressie-talk is pretty apt ;-)

Australian Girl Doll

they're the big dolly size, and a bit on the expensive side, but they look like they're a lovely quality doll. would be nice to see one in a shop to have a proper look. I think they've mostly managed to do it without being too stereotyped, except for the Almost-Bindi.

Only Hearts Club

these are from the US, and have such a wholesomeness to them that I scoured the website for religious content. hard-hearted cynical old me! couldn't find any, though... have seen these in a couple of shops now and think they are quite lovely.

of course, neither of them do boy dolls. crap. you stumble across the occasional boy baby, but the next step seems to be overly-muscled action heroes, or violent junk. where are the nice boy dolls? girls want to play with them too.

edit: forgot about the canny marketing exercise that is Diego, Dora's boy sidekick. he's okay, I guess. not offensive, at any rate. I used to think Dora was fine until I found Dora Xmas/Princess sparkly crown/tiara-type-affairs in Coles the other day. how do you keep that on in the jungle?

Monday, November 10, 2008

Big kid.

Diamond head turns four

Party time

No to put to fine a point on it, being a parent is the best thing in my life. In all of my life, like forever and ever.Being with AJ is a joy. I loves everything about him.As a four year old he:
Has a squirmy warm body that is delicious to snuggle against
He laughs like a drain
He says stuff like ‘ I can’t walk, mum. My legs are broken’
His skin is gloriously soft and unblemished
Except for the bits that are bruised, scratched and lumpy
He’s incredibly empathic
He hides his embarrassment by putting his hands on his hips and sticking his tummy out
His language skills are a work in progress. Slow, slow progress.
He has a dreadful singing voice
He now knows the value of sucking up
He loves Ben and Toby best
He likes Darcy, but I fear he’s just not biddable enough to be a best mate
He loves Alfie
The new pigeon wants a puppy books makes him squeal with delight
He is Ben 10 mad
He’s quite fastidious about hand washing

Happy birthday Whizz Fizz. This mummy couldn’t be any happier than when you are snuggled in my arms.

Monday, November 03, 2008

Just one of those days

when you realise, however much you want to, you can't fix everything for your child. C was really upset today because a girl I thought was one of his best friends didn't invite him to her birthday party. He pinched an invite and insisted that she had spelled his name wrong. Really wrong because it started in G and ended in eorgia. I took the invite off him and gave it back to her. Then at the car park I made a big show of comforting him, where her mother could see. This is the bloody child that we sent C to school with so they could be together because they were such close friends. Sometimes I have regretted this and today was one of those times. It just felt like a slap in the face for both of us really. (she was invited to C's birthday earlier this year).

I'm hoping that tomorrow her Mum has had a change of heart and that there is an invite for him. I don't expect him to be invited to everyone's birthday, which is fortunate because he hasn't been, but when it's one of his supposed best friends I just don't understand why the sudden cut off. I just feel kinda crap because although I was tempted to ask her Mum, well demand really because I was so pissed off, why he wasn't invited I didn't because some battles you just can't fight for your kids. It's a horrible lesson to learn at 5 and I said, but probably shouldn't have, that if she doesn't invite him to her party then she won't be invited to his party next year. (yes I've committed myself already, fool!) No doubt this will get told to her tomorrow, probably after she hands over the invite. If not I will just pray to the gods that he forgets. Or find something else so exciting to do that weekend that he forgets all about it.

Edit: D talked to C's teacher this morning and got some more background on the story. Apparently it all flared up yesterday and she had to physically separate them. C has also been, in the teacher's words, pushing all this girl's buttons and sending her right off. I can understand now that you wouldn't want someone doing that at your birthday party. I think a long talk is in order with my young man. This is not the sort of child I would wish him to be. The first lesson is going to be 'if you aren't nice to people, they won't invite you to their birthday party'. At least there is a reason, and a pretty good reason at that.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Cot for sale

Both the girls are now in 'big girl' beds and so I'm selling off our cot - hooray, one less thing in the house. I thought I'd mention it here in case anyone needs one or knows someone who does - if not I'm putting cot, mattress, mattress protector and cot sheets on ebay.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008


A rare sighting of patterns for boys clothing...


And a lot of cute other patterns and fabrics and everything!!

CSI Yass

Let me set the scene for you: I foolishly let myself think I could have some time to relax and read a book. I decided to ignore the child climbing up on the kitchen counter and pulling stuff out of the cupboard and concentrated on the book. Big mistake. The next thing that happened was a scream from G. I then discovered that what her big brother had pulled out of the cupboard was every pair of scissors that I had hidden. Including a lovely rusty pair of gardening scissors which G had put in her mouth and cut her lip with. Blood pissed out everywhere and she ran away and wouldn't let me touch her. I ditched the bloody tissue that I'd tried to wipe her lip with and tried again with a wet washer. She ran into her room and tried to hide against the wall, leaving blood on the wall and dripping on the carpet.

At this stage I decided by the amount of blood dripped through the house that we should probably get her checked out so I put a nappy on her and carried her to the car, still covered in blood. On the way to the hospital the cut stopped bleeding, but she had a lovely mouth ring of dried blood and blood spatter all down her shirt. I then realised that I didn't have my phone with me and couldn't tell their dad where we were. I imagined him getting home and finding us gone and blood everywhere...

Anyway, we had to wait a bit at the hospital, and of course there was a miraculous recovery and running all over the hospital and giggling and general silliness. But finally we got in and got the lip cleaned up enough to see what she had done to herself. Fortunately the blades had only cut the top of the lip on the outside and slid sideways underneath rather than snip straight through, so we didn't need stitches. We didn't need a tetanus shot either, thankfully, even though the scissors had been rusty because she'd only had the last one 18 months ago. So we got back in the car and trooped off home again.

Strangely there didn't seem to be as much blood when we got back, although parts of the carpet will never be the same again. I'm wondering if G and Pers are secretly having a competition between themselves.

Serves me right for reading a book!

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Contraception - Pope's got it all wrong.

You know, with the evening I have just had with Persmonster, I am currently asking myself why, for the love of little bunnies, did we not use some form of contraception about 11 weeks ago.

Hey Mindy, you must have had moments like these, did they all happen in the SAME evening???

It started with "Look Mummy!" and then she showed me the blue texta she found and the artwork on the kitchen wall. [1]

So then we have a bath and she gives me the loveliest back and neck soap massage and washes my hair. Isn't she cute? I'm going to recommend a career in massage. She's good!

Finished it off with a razorblade skin scrub. I have cuts all over my back now. They sting.[2]

So then I get out of the bath and dry off, try to fix myself up a bit. In the meantime, she has thrown a toilet roll into the bathtub. Nice. Papier mache, anyone?

and... manages to get into my cosmetics bag and find my folate tablets and get the lid off the bottle. They taste yucky, apparently (which is a Very Good Thing). [3]

At the same time, she found the mini travel tub of sudocream (also in my cosmetics bag). It was all over her and some of the bathroom. She came out to me painted in it, asking for cuddles when I growled at her. She also managed to smear it on the mirror in the entryway after I chased her through the house, trying to catch her and stick her back in the bathtub, before the bathtub emptied. It emptied.

Then she refused to go to her bed and went to mine instead (again with the cuddles). But I notice now she has just gone back to her own bed.

Oh and she let the hamster out of his cage. He just came over to visit me. I guess he wanted a cuddle too.

So by now you're probably all thinking I'm an irresponsible parent to leave all these interesting, but dangerous things just lying around the house.

Why, yes, of course I am hoping my child will top herself. GET REAL, WHO ARE YOU KIDDING???

[1] Where the hell did that blue texta come from anyway??? Last time I saw it, it had fallen down the back of the oven. Ayi????? (she's efficient, I'll give her that!)
[2] It was a 'safety' razor, hidden under a pile of magazines and books. Ayi must have dislodged it this morning and I didn't notice. Didn't notice Pers had it either because I couldn't feel the cuts until I went to rinse the soap off (thought she was using one of her toys to make patterns on my back).
[3] She pulled up a stool to get to it while I was in my bedroom, drying off and inspecting my wounds. I am really running out of hidey holes for everything...

So... still want to have us around when we come home???

(This is crossposted to my LJ)

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

On Days Like This I Don't Like People

Just saw this today (I'm possibly a little behind the times): http://blogs.smh.com.au/lifestyle/essentialbaby/archives/2008/10/on_days_like_this_i_dont_like.html


Thursday, September 25, 2008

You Tube for Tots

Hi everyone,
I am at the stage when I am really looking forward to having no kids wearing nappies- but Sophie doesn't seem to be as keen for this to happen as I am!
Someone suggested that Bear in the Big Blue House and Elmo had some good video's that may help Sophie become more interested- but I couldn't find copies of these video's anywhere. Then I discovered the beta version of You Tube for young kids
I found both Bear and Elmo at Totlol- I don't know yet how Sophie is going to find these- but I found they were fantastic- they had M and I in stiches.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Which came first, the stereotype or the mechanise?

I went clothes shopping this morning for the Crankmaster J.

Specifically, I went to buy size 3 board shorts, thinking they would be cooler for summer and long to keep his legs from the sun.

When I finally got him wrangled to the right section of the right store, he seized on a pair of pink 00 tights. I explained that they were not shorts and completely the wrong size, but at least I could get something pink shorts for him. Or so I thought.

So 2 pairs of board shorts were found and 3 plain t-shirts for tie-dying. But there was nothing pink in the 'boys' section. Onto the pink section....

Apparently girls don't wear board shorts. I couldn't find any pink long shorts at all. Short shorts, skirts and even pink jeans, yes, but no long shorts. It seems that when you change from the boy's aisle to the girl's aisle there is no correlation in clothes. The styles and prints change dramatically from what the store deems 'boys' and 'girls'. I don't want to be told what my child should wear based on rules that he doesn't care about.

Okay, he is fixated on trucks, trains and cars. He fits that stereotype perfectly. But he also wants to wear pink. I think he should be allowed to.

Friday, September 19, 2008


You're meant to eat OFF it, Dodgy Corporation Pty Ltd.

China arrested twelve over baby milk scandal

China milk scandal escalates

Isn't there enough to be cranky about without cheap-arse stuff like this?

Monday, September 08, 2008

My God is Big

Number one Son attends a public school and they have scripture once each term. As I didn't put any religion on his school enrollment form the school rang to ask if it was okay for him to go. As there wasn't any alternative, apart from me coming to stay with him for the duration of scripture, I said sure let him go. The teacher said she thought the Proddie one would be more fun than the Catholic, so he goes to that one. I don't know who the teachers are, but he thinks they are lovely and they taught him two songs in the space of about 1/2hr so they are good at what they do.

The best bit is though, when he came home to sing for us this is what we heard:

My God is big
My God is mighty
Nobody is more wonderful
My God is evil

He wasn't actually singing evil - I could see his lips moving like in an old Bruce Lee film - but what came out was 'evil'. Most satisfying for his atheist parents.

Monday, September 01, 2008

Get Some Freaking Perspective!!!!!

There are many things that could be called child abuse.
Beating, raping or starving them for instance.
Putting them in childcare doesn't even come close.
No matter what Mem Fox says.
Comparing one to the other is insulting on so many levels.


cross-posted at my blog.

Sunday, August 24, 2008


Wednesday, August 20, 2008

The 3:30am wake up call

It's never a good one - and your heart sinks as you leap (or stumble blindly in my case) into action. Arrive in child's room. Attempt to see the problem through pre-dawn gloom... to be greeted with:

"My bed's being sarcastic!!!" wailed at full voice.

Translation = I've kicked off my blankies, it's 5degC, I'm freezing and can't get the blankies back on the bed.

Parental attempt to muffle hysterical laughter - fail.

Sunday, July 27, 2008


Originally uploaded by Wenchilada
I suppose it could've been much worse...

Thursday, July 17, 2008

christmas pressies anyone?

Cracked.com has a list of 20 Baby Products Great for Traumatizing your Infant.

I may, or may not, have snorted my tea. Just sayin'

cross-posted at my blog

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Potty Training With Dr Phil

Someone sent this to the Beijing list I am on today: http://www.pottytrainingconcepts.com/Dr-Phil-Potty-Training/Dr-Phil-Potty-Train-in-One-Day.htm

Actually, they linked a different part of the website, so once I waded through all the paraphernalia, I finally got to this spot.

Not sure how I feel about it as it seems over the top. But hey, here's some tips in case anyone's interested.

Hope everyone's well and happy,

Thursday, July 03, 2008

Looking for a good kids book?

You may not think much of our current Premier, but he does have a fantastic list of books under the Premier's Reading Challenge (I know, it's all the hard work of public servants). The list is here and is divided into K-2 and so on. I haven't been able to get the PDFs to download (I think they are fixing it) but if you click on the links in the purple sections you should be all right.

Be surprised at how many books you already own, how many are familiar from your own school days, and how many you immediately want to buy. Or maybe that's just me. Some really great kids books here, and it may take some of the hassle out of choosing a special book for a special little person. Or give you too much choice. Happy book hunting.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Dear Zoo

The young miss is into letter writing at the moment. She declared that she was writing to the zoo. Word was set up, wingdings added in for decoration (with my help) and the resulting letter (in 48 font) was emailed off to the general contact address at the zoo. I wasn't actually expecting a reply and had said that "they might be very busy looking after all the animals".

To our utter delight the following came back the next day:

....the little lady who sent the letter to us,
Thank you very much for your lovely letter. We are very pleased you love your visits to the zoo so much.
We hope you continue to visit, and enjoy and learn about the many animals here at the zoo.
Kind regards....

How sweet was that?

Monday, May 26, 2008


G demanded Boobies last night as Daddy was putting her to bed. 'G has boobies', she was told (when she is tired she likes to slip her hand inside your shirt and onto your chest, a hangover from breastfeeding). 'No, boobies!' she demanded. 'No, G I'm not going to give you boobies' Daddy replied. Then she points to her shelf of teddys and dolls. 'Okay, which one do you want?' asked Daddy. 'Boobies!' was the reply. Then sensing that Daddy had no idea what she was on about she added 'hat!'.

All was revealed. She wanted a very strange little doll that has tiny pink thread knot nipples and a large hat. I think the doll is designed to go in the bath and the splotches of colour on her fade so that she is 'clean'. We haven't put her in the bath because not all of the other toys which would then immediately follow her would be so forgiving of a bath.

Monday, May 12, 2008

Some mothers dress their daughters as fairy's and princess's but not my mum.

Poor Gabriella, We attended a fancy dress 1st & 2nd B'day party for Peter's side of the family and as I suspected everyone dress their daughters as fairies and princess but Oh not us. Though she was a hit and everyone loved the hat.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

not wrong at all! nooooo

via Modern Mechanix

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Blue Steel!

Blue Steel!
Originally uploaded by Wenchilada
Zoolander has nothin' on her!

Monday, April 21, 2008

Snotty, grotty and completely beautiful...

and two today.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Oh, the joy!

Of being by the sea

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

For discussion...

How independent do we let them and when does that start.

Go here and read what prompted this question

Friday, March 28, 2008

having a Darling Baby is never enough.

sanity helps too.

I know the Food Whore is linked over at For Battle, but I thought her latest post just fitted right in. Go here and have a chuckle, shake your head, and know that you'll (most likely) never be that freaky ;-)

Monday, February 25, 2008

I have survived...

a two hour 5th birthday party with 8 (including Charlie) 5 year olds. There was screaming, tantrums, laughter and lots of fun. There was also lots of junk food, then we sent them home to their parents. Only one child turned up unexpectedly (he was invited but hadn't RSVP'd). It took longer to clean up than it did to hold the party. It took almost as long to work out which bit of plastic went with which little thing that had to be assembled and have stickers stuck all over it. We didn't count on the almost two year old being so razzed up on sugar that she wouldn't go to sleep until 10.30pm when we went to bed and then only after threats from Daddy of being put in her own bed if she didn't stop kicking him.

I think I'd do it again. Maybe. We were worried what to do to keep them occupied, but I realised that hey, they're in kindergarten if all else fails we'll read them a book. Fortunately an Easter Egg hunt, a pinata, and a pit stop for drinks and scoffing food took care of all their needs. I had help, one lovely Mum stayed the whole two hours and apart from a short coffee break played with the kids all the time. A couple of other Mums stayed and were an extra pair of eyes which was great since I was still trying to make the icing for the dodgy Woolies sponge I was trying to turn into a birthday cake. The kids didn't care, half of them didn't have room for cake.

I'm so grateful that I'm at work today, Gemma is at daycare and Charlie is at school. I don't want to have to deal with the come down from all that sugar and excitement. I'm a coward.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

and you thought Torbenspang Huntington-Smythe was bad

How about Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116" (pronounced "/ˈalˌbin/")


Thursday, February 14, 2008

My Tiny Astronomer

On the slide with the baby.

Baby points into distance.



"Where's the ball honey? I can't see any ball."

This goes on for twenty minutes.

As we're leaving the park I finally realise that the ball he's talking about is the Moon that's visible in the afternoon sky.

"No honey, I can't get that ball for you. That's the Moon."

"Ball! Ball! Ball! Ball! Ball! Ball!"

"Sorry sweety, that's, like, a quarter of a million miles away (must Google that fact)."

"Ball! Ball! Ball! Ball! Ball! Ball!"

Baby proceeds to bitch and cry about the fact that I can't get the ball for him.

He's still obsessing about the moon after his bath and dinner.

It's funny, though, to think that in our age there is at least a very remote possibility that my little boy will one day stand on the moon.

Thursday, January 31, 2008

SCA frocks to a good home - size 1

I've got two quite nice frocks that neither of my girls can use. If anyone knows of a good home for them let me know. There are two frocks, 2 linen shifts and a cap suitable for size 0-1.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Modern Dilemma

We were sitting outside in a pub beer garden with the kids. With the new anti-smoking laws, the beer garden is now the only place people can smoke within the pub grounds. When we went out there we were the only ones, and we decided to sit outside and have a drink because it was a nice day, and the kids could run around without being a nuisance to anyone.

Then someone came and sat at an ajacent table, and lit up a cigarette. Immediately Charlie started announcing loudly that someone was making poor choices and that smoking made you sick. We were trying to get him to be quiet, because although we don't smoke and would prefer that the gentleman in question wasn't smoking in our vicinity, we could hardly ask him to stop when we were sitting in the designated smoking area. So we found ourselves in the strange position of defending, to our almost 5 year old, this man's right to smoke even though it's a bad choice and makes you sick. Mostly we were just trying to get him to stop talking about other people at the top of his lungs. Each time someone else came out and lit up he was off again.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Apart from moving away from the smoker, what did you do?