Thursday, May 31, 2007

Time for a new job?

You may have seen this one already - or even signed up!

POSITION :Mother, Mum, Mama, Mummy, Mumma, Ma
JOB DESCRIPTION: Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organisational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES: The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organise social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION : Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that University will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS: While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.

Monday, May 28, 2007

Little Bo-Peep - kindof

It's not sheep that have been lost but two bags of clothes. Girl's clothes - size 2. They would have originally been in two white shopping bags and come from Tina originally. Did anyone else acquire them because Tina and I have different recollections about their fate and now we need to track them down before Sophie has to run naked through winter (which if she's like any other small child I know would probably suit her fine but would cause consternation to both her parents and health professionals).

So do any of you girl children owners have clothes that have the size highlighted? (This is Tina's sister's method of marking clothes).

Friday, May 25, 2007

What do they put in Blueberry Starburst lolliops?

I'm pretty sure it's not blueberries.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Take one bowl of yoghurt...

left by a four year old who tired of the novelty of eating it with one finger, one silly Mummy who overheated dinner in the microwave and had to put it in the fridge to cool, and one hungry baby who hasn't quite mastered feeding herself yet. Unfortunately I missed the 'sticking the whole bowl over my face' incident with the camera.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

A big day for P

Sunday was huge!

First there was the Christening

(complete with hallelujahs while we were singing the hymns)

Then there was cake!

(I had lots of fun with food colouring!)

And then there were the first steps!

(she knows how to work an audience)