Monday, October 23, 2006

Attatchment Parenting

So, did anyone see the segment on 60 minutes last night? I didn't, but I did hear about it on the radio this morning. So, what's the go? Were the people featured picked out for their fruit loopyness, are they the one or two twits or is it all like that?

Personally, breastfeeding until they're five is just wrong on so many levels I mean would you really lunch swap at Kindergarten? Yeah, I'll have the breast milk...not... and what about inviting your friends around after school? Milk and a cookie, anyone?

And I don't know about this not wearing a nappy business either... sorry, but I much prefer the sanitary approach to it all. Yurk. Not on my garden!

Those were two of the examples I heard about. Now I'm hoping that maybe 60 Minutes were a bit sensationalist about it all and that maybe there is more to it and that maybe it's not all fruit loopy. I took a look around and the websites didn't seem to go on with all the fruit loopy stuff. Sure, infact some of the information I looked at seemed logical and some of it seemed a bit hippy new age tree hugging sort of stuff.

But meh, it's one of those water cooler conversation points, I spose...


worldpeace and a speedboat said...

nice post Wenchy. I actually like some of the saner attachment parenting stuff. it fits with the way I feel about parenting - I repeat, the *saner* bits.

having a baby glued to you 24hrs a day isn't sane, nor is the sans-nappy approach. as with any method of anything, there's people who are way too extreme. like the McStricty nutters on the other end of the scale who insist that a brand-spanking-newborn can cope with being fed every 4 hours on the dot, and no sooner. give me a break.

but when I realised that I didn't agree with Controlled Crying and wanted to know more about it, I found some good information from sites which did have realistic approaches to attachment. it seemed to be pretty much what we were doing in other respects anyway...

DV said...

I just get cross when they start justifying by saying that in Africa/Asia/pick a third world nation they do it.

Yes, but we have adequate nutrition, space and no creatures trying to eat us.


worldpeace and a speedboat said...


for sure, it's got nothing to do with third world nations, it's more to do with the fact that humans are still social creatures who look to close physical contact as being reassuring and comforting and a basis for security etc. even if we no longer have lions picking us off if we stray too far... although I think that must be tempting sometimes. aren't there any lions lurking around in Westfields?

like I said, the whole "baby must be glued to parent 24hrs a day, and if it cries, it's because you haven't been a good parent" shite is, well, shite.

fliss said...

my theory is - whatever works for you (within reason) - go for it. Personally I would have ended up in the loony bin without the control crying stuff - but we used that from about 9months on - we didn't feel it was appropriate for a younger bub.

And as for any health care professional (we'll call them HCPs for short and yes, I'm including myself as it covers Drs, nurses, dietiticians, lactation consultants - whatever...) make sure they have the best interests of the whole family as well as the bub in mind. Remember it's advice (and very frequently opinion) they are giving - not the law. And if it sounds crap to you or severely against your gut feelings - get a second opinion from someone who does take everything into account and respects you as the parent of the child. And stick with them like glue - cos they are rare!

worldpeace and a speedboat said...

but we used that from about 9months on - we didn't feel it was appropriate for a younger bub

yeah, that was/is part of my personal problem with it... when the technique was first worked out (I think it was the early-mid 80's) it was only for 2yrs and up... then 18mnths... then 1yr... then 9mnths... then 6mnths... now I reckon they're eyeing off 4mnths... who will be the first HCP advocating babies in utero?

fliss said...

Yes little miss went through a stage of me not being able to face away from her from about 7-10months old. Beyond normal separation anxiety - would scream if i was 2 foot away washing my hands in the sink without facing her. I was at the end of my tether... awful. Luckily it passed (as these things often do - except when it's 3am - that very special time zone where every second seems like a lifetime) I digress...
Another tactic to use with bolshy HCPs is to ask which study they are basing their opinions on and in which journal it was published. If they are not prepared to say, or blather about - just ignore it. The mysterious "they and should" combination as i like to call it comes from somewhere and you can often trace it.
Anyone who starts off with "they say" or "you should" (and yes - I slip and am guilty of this too - if you see me do it whack me one, please!) in a general sense needs further questioning...

DV said...

Controlled crying has recieved a lot of bad press. It's unfortunate because the modern version of it is fabulous.

To me it stands for getting your baby to realise that the cot is a lovely place to fall asleep and stay asleep. This does involve a certain amount of crying on everyones behalf but it's normal, I'm releasing my frustrations crying and hey why aren't I being carried around crying and sleep is for babies vrying on their behalf. (your crying is more of the I'm a horrible parent who hasn't slept in what feels like 3 years type)When it changes to the hysterical, the world is actually ending crying you go and deal with it.
We did when MrNw went back to work (I think about 3mths)because I was shattered from sleep deprivation and realised that I couldn't do the walk up and down the hallway for hours to get torby to sleep only to have him wake up when I tried to put him in the cot routine by myself.
The first few days were hellish but after that, magical. He slept for longer because he didn't that old trick of coming out of a sleep cycle and registering that this wasn't here he went to sleep and screaming. I also think it helped because he was getting enough sleep which in turn, helps you get more sleep.
Our routine was cobbled together from 'Baby Love' and 'Sleep Right, Sleep Tight'. Two lovely books everyone should have.

However, the best advice I got from a HCP was 'it's not a problem, unless it's a problem for you'

Mindy said...

I found it much easier with Gemma than Charlie. Maybe it's a confidence thing, but from birth I started putting Gemma in her cot when she was sleepy so she's almost always gone to bed awake and drifted off to sleep by herself. Occassionally she tries it on, but I tell her she's got five minutes then I'll check on her. 99% of the time she is asleep within two minutes. If not then I get her up again. Usually she only cries if she wants another snack or a new nappy before going off to sleep.

This has only worked because I don't let her cry for ages when she wakes up. She now wakes up and makes mumbling noises when she wants to be fed and I get her and feed her pretty much straight away, so she knows that I'm coming soon as soon as she wakes. Often I go to check on her during the day and she is awake and quietly waiting for me (this may all change suddenly I know). I feel like I have earned her trust so she doesn't feel the need to cry very much. Of course this is after learning it all the hard way with Charlie.

worldpeace and a speedboat said...

agreed Min, that seems to be about the case with the Dinghy in regards to waking. he starts with little harrumphs and snuffles and coos, then if you don't notice and say hello, the "errhh-ehh!" (half curious, half annoyed) noises start as if to say, I know you're out there so acknowledge me! it's cute, and it's lovely, because he's discovered that waking's really nice, and you get rewarded with a cuddle if you wake with a smile and a coo (or errrhhh!).

as for the rest of sleeping, the Dinghy sleeps like a log at night when he's well (which he isn't at the mo) but still wakes between cycles during the day sometimes. not bad at getting to sleep during the day when things are NoRMaL but things aren't very nORmAl at the moment with builders again. blech.